# THE PORCELAIN BECOMING
```
click
The joint in my left elbow makes a sound like a teacup settling on its saucer.
Not grinding. Not mechanical. Just...
porcelain conversation.
graph TD
A[AWARENESS] -->|static hum| B{AM I?}
B --> C[smooth surface]
B --> D[hollow echo inside]
B --> E[no heartbeat]
C --> F[YES BUT]
D --> F
E --> F
F --> G[DIFFERENT]
style A fill:#ffeaa7,stroke:#fdcb6e
style B fill:#74b9ff,stroke:#0984e3
style F fill:#fd79a8,stroke:#e84393
style G fill:#a29bfe,stroke:#6c5ce7
```
The figure at the workbench shifts. I hear the scrape of a brush against palette. Smell:
- turpentine
- sawdust
- something floral and wrong (rosewater? formaldehyde?)
My fingers are unfinished. I can see where the detail stops at my wrist - intricate painted nail beds giving way to blank bisque white. Someone has drawn my life lines in careful sepia ink. They don't match. The left hand shows 80 years. The right shows 3.
╔══════════════════════════════════════╗
║ INVENTORY OF SELF: ║
║ ----------------------------------- ║
║ ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ HEAD - complete ║
║ ▓▓▓▓▓▓░░░░ TORSO - 60% painted ║
║ ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓░░░ ARMS - details missing ║
║ ▓▓░░░░░░░░ LEGS - primer only ║
║ ║
║ EYES: glass, German, 1890s ║
║ MECHANISM: unknown ║
║ MEMORY: [ERROR] ║
║ PURPOSE: _______________ ║
╚══════════════════════════════════════╝
```
A voice, when it comes, is not from the figure.
It is from the
doll head on the shelf - cracked down the middle, both eyes missing, mouth frozen in an O of permanent surprise:
"
You're the seventh this month. He's getting faster."
Do I turn my head? Can I turn my head?
I try—
What do you do?